The cold wind hits my face and reminds me that this is my favourite time of year to ride my bike; to actually feel my cheeks, to feel my body doing something and most of all, to feel free; not trapped in my own body. Instead I’m walking home after collecting anti depressants, the reality of the past six months and the loneliest year of my life slowly sinking in.
The past six months, and currently, I’m stuck in limbo. I was in hospital in May for two and a half weeks with myositis that came out of the blue and which I’m still recovering from.
I’ve gotten used to (kind of) the drastic life change that came after my brain injury, but for some reason I can’t shake this feeling that comes along with this life change. I’m so sick of being ‘strong’, I’m just strong because I have to be and I’m sick of that. I’m a little weakling at the moment, both physically and mentally.
It’s so funny, picture girl from Scrubs saying “that’s so funny”, because in reality it’s not funny. I know what will make me feel better. It’s so simple… To be out on my bike again, I know you’re probably thinking it’s not that simple but it really is.
Do you know what’s interesting? While looking through photos for this blog post, I’m not saying “that’s so sad”. I’m actually crying.